Bitterness

In the previous post, I mentioned that I’m not going to be stagnant in life while I wait for K to return. Almost immediately following his departure, things started changing. I found a new job a month after he left and then I moved to a different apartment, in a different part of the city. There have also been other changes, like hiring a personal trainer a few days a week, preparing for my licensure exam, and a bit of traveling.

Of course, staying busy is a distraction, but I miss K. Always. After a while, I think the feeling of missing something assimilates inside, and it becomes part of the norm. And there’s always this bit of anger-resentment mixture that I feel. My cousin was away from her fiancé this past summer for six weeks, and she acted like it was the end of the world. Six weeks. I try to be sympathetic, but really my feelings are “suck it the f*ck up, it’s less than two months. Try two years.” Yeah, a tad bitter, I know.

Now and Later

K's gone. He's been gone for 91 days. Ahh, to measure our seperation in days doesn't really seem to do the distance and time justice.

But before he left, we made a conscious effort to do as much as possible with each other. We jammed in trips, activities, even a trip to the ER all in the name of the camel strategy. Make as many memories as possible together, in hopes it'll help with the time we're apart.

Oh, and we got engaged. And had a wonderful party in my hometown.

So, 91 days apart, and hundreds more to go, I've come to the decision that I will not/ can not put my life on hold while I wait for K. I miss him immensely, but there's nothing we can do to be together for the next 21 months. So, better make the best out of a rotten situation.