1. Visit the ocean.
2. Lose 30 pounds.
3. Volunteer in my community.
4. Forgive and forget about Ken.
5. Read 30 books.
6. Make a terrarium.
7. Visit Yellow Springs, Ohio.
8. Organize my living room.
9. Organize my bedroom.
10. Drink water. Everyday. Lots of it.
11. Wear lipstick or lip gloss more often.
12. Spend (at least) one weekend a month with my mom.
13. Take my grandma to visit her sister-in-law in the spring.
14. Visit my cousin's special education class.
15. Load lots of music onto my mom's MP3 player.
16. See at least one opera.
17. Take Katie to see a play.
18. Go to an art museum.
19. See a 3-D movie.
20. Go to a play.
21. Buy a bottle of the wine I had on vacation.
22. Give Charles an amazing birthday present.
23. Wash and vacuum my car at least once month.
24. Visit at least one city park.
25. Pack my lunch for an entire month.
26. Use the crockpot 12 times.
27. Celebrate my mom's 60th birthday with something special.
28. Adopt a rescue dog.
29. Host a brunch at my apartment.
30. Go to a comedy club.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
A Moment of Insight
Rational thought has come to me, and as it doesn't happen often, I felt I should document the occurrence.
Today, I spent the day with my mom, Katie, my four-year-old cousin, and Janie, my 19 year-old friend that has Down Syndrome. It was a good day that involved lunch, the bookstore, and ended with birthday cake.
Funny side note, when I picked up Janie we were talking about birthdays and how today we were celebrating my birthday. Several times I emphasized that it was MY day, to which Janie replied it was "our day."
After I arrived back home and was settling down for the night, my friend called me. I returned on Wednesday from a vacation with this friend. We've been friends for almost 12 years, over a third of our lives. We go back-and-forth with having a romantic relationship, or rather I go back-and-forth as he's always made his intentions clear.
Prior to receiving his nightly phone call, I was thinking back to my recent vacation. It was an amazing time and my friend spared no expense to make sure I had a wonderful vacation and birthday. He thoughtfully planned an amazing time and made sure that it was centered around me. Dinner reservations were made with my tastes in mind. We even drove over half of the city looking for shoes I wanted. My birthday presents were phenomenal from him and I'd be lying if I said I didn't adore the way the diamond tennis bracelet sparkles on my wrist or the way the diamond necklace hits just where I like it on my chest. I loved the gifts, of course, but I also loved the time he took to arrange things and how he tried so hard to make me laugh and have a good time.
But, in the back of my head, there's a nagging voice that keeps saying "he doesn't really like you, you know." Suddenly doubt floods me. I start making a case, I go through the time we spent together and try to decipher if he really likes me. Well, there was that time when he didn't return my text message for a whole twenty-four hours, flu or no flu! And then he always seems distracted when I'm sitting across from him at dinner. And with his parents, he was strangely quiet, not saying a handful of words.
There's this doubt. And then I add to it my own uncertain feelings. I've known him for 12 years, 30 percent of my life. We met at university and we've stayed good friends, ebbing and flowing in closeness, but always at least on each others peripherals. I don't feel the same passionate, explosive, exhaustive love for him as I did for Ken. I feel fiercely protective of my friend and appreciate his kindness and his love for me. He sends me notes and says "i love you." He ends conversations with "Oh, Jessie, I love you so much." I can't bring my self to reciprocate with the same words. Instead I write "xoxo, jessie" on my cards and quickly change the subject when "I love you" is uttered.
I see a life with my friend, if I want it. Living an upper-middle class lifestyle. Traveling. Nice things. Security. Faithfulness. Laughter. But I don't know if there will be passion, or if mutual kindness and respect is enough to base a life on.
I know this much is true about myself: if I want something, I will do whatever it takes to get it. I just have to want it.
Today, I spent the day with my mom, Katie, my four-year-old cousin, and Janie, my 19 year-old friend that has Down Syndrome. It was a good day that involved lunch, the bookstore, and ended with birthday cake.
Funny side note, when I picked up Janie we were talking about birthdays and how today we were celebrating my birthday. Several times I emphasized that it was MY day, to which Janie replied it was "our day."
After I arrived back home and was settling down for the night, my friend called me. I returned on Wednesday from a vacation with this friend. We've been friends for almost 12 years, over a third of our lives. We go back-and-forth with having a romantic relationship, or rather I go back-and-forth as he's always made his intentions clear.
Prior to receiving his nightly phone call, I was thinking back to my recent vacation. It was an amazing time and my friend spared no expense to make sure I had a wonderful vacation and birthday. He thoughtfully planned an amazing time and made sure that it was centered around me. Dinner reservations were made with my tastes in mind. We even drove over half of the city looking for shoes I wanted. My birthday presents were phenomenal from him and I'd be lying if I said I didn't adore the way the diamond tennis bracelet sparkles on my wrist or the way the diamond necklace hits just where I like it on my chest. I loved the gifts, of course, but I also loved the time he took to arrange things and how he tried so hard to make me laugh and have a good time.
But, in the back of my head, there's a nagging voice that keeps saying "he doesn't really like you, you know." Suddenly doubt floods me. I start making a case, I go through the time we spent together and try to decipher if he really likes me. Well, there was that time when he didn't return my text message for a whole twenty-four hours, flu or no flu! And then he always seems distracted when I'm sitting across from him at dinner. And with his parents, he was strangely quiet, not saying a handful of words.
There's this doubt. And then I add to it my own uncertain feelings. I've known him for 12 years, 30 percent of my life. We met at university and we've stayed good friends, ebbing and flowing in closeness, but always at least on each others peripherals. I don't feel the same passionate, explosive, exhaustive love for him as I did for Ken. I feel fiercely protective of my friend and appreciate his kindness and his love for me. He sends me notes and says "i love you." He ends conversations with "Oh, Jessie, I love you so much." I can't bring my self to reciprocate with the same words. Instead I write "xoxo, jessie" on my cards and quickly change the subject when "I love you" is uttered.
I see a life with my friend, if I want it. Living an upper-middle class lifestyle. Traveling. Nice things. Security. Faithfulness. Laughter. But I don't know if there will be passion, or if mutual kindness and respect is enough to base a life on.
I know this much is true about myself: if I want something, I will do whatever it takes to get it. I just have to want it.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thirty.
Guess who is thirty?
Alex is not impressed with much. Least of all, a birthday.
I had a great birthday celebration. It started in January and the celebration is showing no signs of stopping. Here is where I spent the day before my birthday:
I touched sharks and saw Beluga whales and saw dolphins. And, of course, my favorite:
Alex is not impressed with much. Least of all, a birthday.
I had a great birthday celebration. It started in January and the celebration is showing no signs of stopping. Here is where I spent the day before my birthday:
I touched sharks and saw Beluga whales and saw dolphins. And, of course, my favorite:
Friday, February 3, 2012
Four for Friday
1. It's the small things that I make big. I received great feedback from an evaluation report I did on a workshop held in December. The P.I. said how great it was in front of the entire team. Then someone else said it was "terrific" and a third person said it was "beautifully-done."
2. I am having brunch with two of my best friends tomorrow. And there will be presents! Giving and receiving!
3. I was ask to adjunct a class in the fall!!
4. I spent an evening at a spa to kick-off birthday month. Amazing.
2. I am having brunch with two of my best friends tomorrow. And there will be presents! Giving and receiving!
3. I was ask to adjunct a class in the fall!!
4. I spent an evening at a spa to kick-off birthday month. Amazing.
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