Two Years.

I remember sitting in class and thinking how handsome this man looked. And sexy. But as soon as my thoughts strayed, I quickly admonished myself and pushed the directions of those thoughts away. And I resolved to let him go, and didn’t think (too much) about him.

While I had sent him a simple friend request on Facebook, he responded with a message: “Hi Jessica, how are you doing? Thanks for being friends. I hope you did well this past semester. Stay Warm! K.”

Innocent enough. We traded emails back and forth for the next couple of days, trying to come up with a time to meet for coffee so I could pump him for information on his home country. Of course, he asked about my boyfriend, and I told him about the relationship (leaving out the rocky bits). I sent him a last message two days before Christmas as I was preparing to travel back to my hometown for the holidays.

While in my hometown, I was consumed with taking care of my mom and trying to make the holidays special. Unfortunately, the tension between my long distance boyfriend and me was mounting. We had “taken a break” a few months before, and looking back, that’s really when the relationship should have ended completely. However, like a good social worker, I was bound and determined to see this relationship to the very, very end. Every interaction we had was stressful, filled with conflict and left me feeling awful.

After an uneventful New Year’s with my family, the next day I took the red-eye bus back. The scheduled departure was at 12am, but I had to get there earlier to purchase a ticket and ensure a seat. Friends dropped me, I purchased a ticket and waited. Using my phone, for the first time in days, I checked my Facebook. There was a message from K, wishing me a happy New Year and safe travels. Out of boredom, I emailed him back. We began a long exchange of emails as I traveled across the Midwest. Later, he would reveal to me that he was to excited to sleep even though it was very late. We discussed books we had read, places we had been, things we liked to do- all very benign, but his messages helped make the traveling and leaving my still-sick mom.

Our messages continued through the night and on until the next day. I arrived at my apartment in the morning, and promptly went to bed. When I awoke, there was another message waiting for me from K. His messages were beginning to take on a flirtatious nature, which I ignored. We had agreed to meet Wednesday for coffee to talk about his home country. I smiled to myself when he suggested we have dinner instead of coffee. We exchanged numbers, and within minutes he text me to say good night. Of course, this led to me calling him and we talked late into the night.

The next day was Monday, and by the time I’d arrived at my office, he had sent me a morning text. Our communication via text continued through out the day, and by the afternoon we had agreed to meet for coffee that evening.

The evening went very well. I immediately felt comfortable with him. He’s a great storyteller, and he listens and is attentive.

I knew before we went a step further I would have to officially end things with the long-distance relationship. I had tried to call him on Sunday to end things, but he was traveling and didn’t have cell reception. I got a hold of him Tuesday morning and we talked while I drove to work. We both agreed that we just weren’t a good match for each other and that the relationship should have ended months before, but neither one of us wanted to let it go easily. We also decided to remain friends, to talk occasionally and to assist the other if it was ever needed. In the end, it was a very amicable split. As a good friend of mine has instructed me to always at least try to find one “takeaway” from every situation, the “takeaway” here was: Long-distance relationships are hard and I don’t want another one.

Once that relationship was over, I felt free to pursue whatever it was between K and me.

Amazing.

We began spending time together and we fit so seamlessly into one another’s lives. While I’m high maintenance, he’s laid back. While I’m prone to break-downs, he’s calm, steady. He has these beautiful eyes that are always drinking in his surroundings; noticing the details. He’s quick with a compliment and quicker with hugs and kisses. He’s compassionate for others in a way I’ve rarely seen.

Late one night, K and I were discussing future plans, and he said he wanted to meet my family before April. I questioned why specifically April.

He answered, “So they have time to know me before I take you back home with me in May.”

“Why are you taking me back with you in May?” I asked.

“I have to leave the US in May and return to Papua New Guinea. I’ll be gone for two years.”