Day One.

My relationship with K is over. A few days ago, I received facebook messages from a woman in PNG that has been having an affair with K since last year. She wrote and told me the intimate details and that she is having his baby. K confirmed it. I thought I was devastated then, but then more details came out and it seems his infidelity has stretched since we’ve been together. How could I have been so naïve? So trusting? So stupid?!

When it came crashing down, I packed a bag and AlexCat and went home to my momma. I told my mom and a few of my closest friends and family. While my mom has always had misgivings about him, my friends were truly shocked. I think they have a harder time putting together the same person that dazzled them at our engagement party and on visits to Cincinnati is the same womanizing, lying, manipulating person. Lesson learned: trust my mom, listen to my mom.

The past few days, a roller coaster of emotions have hit me. I don’t like feelings, so to be overwhelmed by hurt, anger, sadness, confusion, and a hundred other emotions is too much for me. Each day, I’d check my email and there would be a message from K wanting “to work things out.” Each email would be another stab of the knife in the stomach.

Today is Day One of Operation: Move On. I sent K an email asking him not to contact me anymore, I’ve blocked all of his emails, I went around my apartment and took down all pictures, momentos, gifts, even the shirt and tie he wore to his graduation- it’s all gone.

Right now, as hard as all of this is, I am a bit thankful that it happened while he was away, before we were married, before there were babies. Letting go of this picture of how my life was going to be with him has been very hard. I held on so tight to what I wanted, to make the time and distance bearable. I held on to it too tightly; I defied the unhappiness, the verbal and emotional duress.

I have to keep moving on.