Let’s quickly recap Day One:
I went to Urgent Care as the stomach pain in stomach kept increasing. Dx: ulcer + infection. Tx: I.V. fluids + antibiotics + an acid blocker.
I also started taking this sell my old car and move thing seriously. Went to the BMV and changed over the license. I was then fleeced by the moving company I had scheduled last week. Their fee magically doubled when I went to pay the deposit. I felt the ulcer bleed a little bit harder as I realized I have two weeks to move my stuff and no movers. Oh, did you know I live on the fourth floor?
I slept in the middle of my bed. Normally, I always sleep on the same side, and hug the edge. Well, last night, I put my pillows right in the middle of the bed and slept there. Alex enjoyed the change. He had plenty of space to stretch out.
Day Two.
I went through some clothes to give to Goodwill.
I try to reformulate a plan for my move.
Took a trip to City Hall to get my personal property tax paperwork so I can file
paperwork to get more paperwork for my car. [Side note: What is up with public employees? Do these workers take a class on how to be rude and asinine or is that personality trait a requirement for the jobs?]
I cleaned up the apartment and took pictures of the things I am selling and made a little Craigslist Draft.
I cuddled with Alex. He’s usually not a cuddler, so I think he’s taking one for the team and letting me cuddle with him and practice my Swedish animal massage techniques on him.
And most importantly for Day Two- the despair isn’t so overwhelming. I can breathe, I can think about tomorrow, I can slowly feel my excitement growing about my pending move to Cincinnati.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Day One.
My relationship with K is over. A few days ago, I received facebook messages from a woman in PNG that has been having an affair with K since last year. She wrote and told me the intimate details and that she is having his baby. K confirmed it. I thought I was devastated then, but then more details came out and it seems his infidelity has stretched since we’ve been together. How could I have been so naïve? So trusting? So stupid?!
When it came crashing down, I packed a bag and AlexCat and went home to my momma. I told my mom and a few of my closest friends and family. While my mom has always had misgivings about him, my friends were truly shocked. I think they have a harder time putting together the same person that dazzled them at our engagement party and on visits to Cincinnati is the same womanizing, lying, manipulating person. Lesson learned: trust my mom, listen to my mom.
The past few days, a roller coaster of emotions have hit me. I don’t like feelings, so to be overwhelmed by hurt, anger, sadness, confusion, and a hundred other emotions is too much for me. Each day, I’d check my email and there would be a message from K wanting “to work things out.” Each email would be another stab of the knife in the stomach.
Today is Day One of Operation: Move On. I sent K an email asking him not to contact me anymore, I’ve blocked all of his emails, I went around my apartment and took down all pictures, momentos, gifts, even the shirt and tie he wore to his graduation- it’s all gone.
Right now, as hard as all of this is, I am a bit thankful that it happened while he was away, before we were married, before there were babies. Letting go of this picture of how my life was going to be with him has been very hard. I held on so tight to what I wanted, to make the time and distance bearable. I held on to it too tightly; I defied the unhappiness, the verbal and emotional duress.
I have to keep moving on.
When it came crashing down, I packed a bag and AlexCat and went home to my momma. I told my mom and a few of my closest friends and family. While my mom has always had misgivings about him, my friends were truly shocked. I think they have a harder time putting together the same person that dazzled them at our engagement party and on visits to Cincinnati is the same womanizing, lying, manipulating person. Lesson learned: trust my mom, listen to my mom.
The past few days, a roller coaster of emotions have hit me. I don’t like feelings, so to be overwhelmed by hurt, anger, sadness, confusion, and a hundred other emotions is too much for me. Each day, I’d check my email and there would be a message from K wanting “to work things out.” Each email would be another stab of the knife in the stomach.
Today is Day One of Operation: Move On. I sent K an email asking him not to contact me anymore, I’ve blocked all of his emails, I went around my apartment and took down all pictures, momentos, gifts, even the shirt and tie he wore to his graduation- it’s all gone.
Right now, as hard as all of this is, I am a bit thankful that it happened while he was away, before we were married, before there were babies. Letting go of this picture of how my life was going to be with him has been very hard. I held on so tight to what I wanted, to make the time and distance bearable. I held on to it too tightly; I defied the unhappiness, the verbal and emotional duress.
I have to keep moving on.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
One-two-three-four.
Some big developments have been occurring.
One.
I got a new job.
Two.
I resigned from my current job.
Three.
I'm moving.
Four.
I bought a car.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
What I Know
Coffee in the morning with an English muffin in the bed with AlexCat is a good way to start the day.
Happiness is fleeting, so enjoy it when you have it.
My mom loves me a lot.
I feel a since of accomplishment when I finish something.
The first time someone hurts you or puts a sliver in your heart, the sequential times will still hurt, but not as much as the first time.
I have great girlfriends.
I am attracted to intelligent people.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Mi missim K tru.
I was driving home from an appointment this afternoon and looked over to see a car with a Papua New Guinea flag on its bumper. I waived at the driver, an elderly white male that must think I'm crazy and assume he's a missionary or supports missionaries in PNG. Mi no save.
And then a flood of emotions began. I miss K. The appointment I had come from concerned K and then seeing that flag on the back of a minivan in Middle America. I just started thinking about things and everything seems to be a reminder that K is not here. K loves going to the movies, and I keep a mental list of all the movies that we'll have to see when he comes back. That makes me sad. I miss that man a lot. Tumas.
Anyway, there is a man coming from PNG to begin his PhD studies at a local university. I have secured housing for him and someone gave me a set of sheets for a bed I got him. They're white. And were used. So, I put them in the washer with some bleach + hot water + detergent+ fabric softner and now they're usable. I like to smell the fabric softener in my sheets, so I don't dry them 100% in the dryer. I let them air dry so the softness and smell stays with them.
I thought I'd share some pictures of my day-to-day life. Here's my boring non-K life:
Messy Living Room.
See the sheets? Oh, and some clothes I unpacked from my suite case and haven't dealt with yet.
Dining Area (aka Alex's domain- he uses underneath the dining room table as his command center).
Alex on the Prowl. He's got moves like jaguar.
Can you spot Alex's No Good, Very Bad Best Friend? Hours of entertainment provided by that mouse. He's a twin brother with a feather for a tail, but unfortunately the tail was chewed off.
I don't know which one I like more- the almond milk or the chocolate eclairs. Yum.
And then a flood of emotions began. I miss K. The appointment I had come from concerned K and then seeing that flag on the back of a minivan in Middle America. I just started thinking about things and everything seems to be a reminder that K is not here. K loves going to the movies, and I keep a mental list of all the movies that we'll have to see when he comes back. That makes me sad. I miss that man a lot. Tumas.
Anyway, there is a man coming from PNG to begin his PhD studies at a local university. I have secured housing for him and someone gave me a set of sheets for a bed I got him. They're white. And were used. So, I put them in the washer with some bleach + hot water + detergent+ fabric softner and now they're usable. I like to smell the fabric softener in my sheets, so I don't dry them 100% in the dryer. I let them air dry so the softness and smell stays with them.
I thought I'd share some pictures of my day-to-day life. Here's my boring non-K life:
Messy Living Room.
See the sheets? Oh, and some clothes I unpacked from my suite case and haven't dealt with yet.
Dining Area (aka Alex's domain- he uses underneath the dining room table as his command center).
Alex on the Prowl. He's got moves like jaguar.
Can you spot Alex's No Good, Very Bad Best Friend? Hours of entertainment provided by that mouse. He's a twin brother with a feather for a tail, but unfortunately the tail was chewed off.
I don't know which one I like more- the almond milk or the chocolate eclairs. Yum.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Ulcers.
I think I have one.
Last week, while I was attending a summit, my upper abdominal area started hurting. I disregarded it, and just thought it was indigestion/nerves/etc. The pain is like hunger pains but a bit more intense and they occur in the upper abdomen area, sometimes right below the breast bone. They start about one hour after I eat and occur nonstop until I eat something again- even if it’s a cup of milk and a plain piece of bread. Last night, I grilled shrimp and ate steamed broccoli and carrots- stomach resisted and pain ensued for hours afterward.
And, the other symptom is horrible breath. Dragon breath. I went to the dentist a few months ago and had my cleaning and check up and besides a few cavities, everything was fine. This dragon breath even overcomes Mentadent toothpaste within minutes of use.
Which brings us to the next dilemma- access to health care. When I moved to this Midwestern oasis city, I was in graduate school. One of the perks of going to this graduate school was the medical resources and the on-campus student health center. Since graduating two years ago, I’ve not bothered finding a doctor, because when I’m sick I need instant care, not waiting three weeks for a new patient appointment.
My three sinus infections- went to Urgent Care. It only cost $40 and I was seen in 10 minutes, had antibiotics and was out the door within 40 minutes of signing in.
Sprained wrist two weeks ago- Urgent Care.
There have been a couple of other ailments that I went to Urgent Care for, like the aftereffects of wisdom teeth extraction. I really feel I need a real doctor, not just Urgent Care. So, I’m on a quest to find a doctor that won’t make me wait three weeks for treatment. I’ve left some messages for callbacks for appointments and am going to the Family Dollar on my lunch break to get some highly recommended acid blocker medicine. If I do not have a doctor appointment by Thursday, I’m going to do Urgent Care. Again. Or sooner, if I don’t stop googling “peptic ulcers + mortality.”
What can I say? One of my fears is dying alone in my apartment and my cat eating my body to stay alive.
Last week, while I was attending a summit, my upper abdominal area started hurting. I disregarded it, and just thought it was indigestion/nerves/etc. The pain is like hunger pains but a bit more intense and they occur in the upper abdomen area, sometimes right below the breast bone. They start about one hour after I eat and occur nonstop until I eat something again- even if it’s a cup of milk and a plain piece of bread. Last night, I grilled shrimp and ate steamed broccoli and carrots- stomach resisted and pain ensued for hours afterward.
And, the other symptom is horrible breath. Dragon breath. I went to the dentist a few months ago and had my cleaning and check up and besides a few cavities, everything was fine. This dragon breath even overcomes Mentadent toothpaste within minutes of use.
Which brings us to the next dilemma- access to health care. When I moved to this Midwestern oasis city, I was in graduate school. One of the perks of going to this graduate school was the medical resources and the on-campus student health center. Since graduating two years ago, I’ve not bothered finding a doctor, because when I’m sick I need instant care, not waiting three weeks for a new patient appointment.
My three sinus infections- went to Urgent Care. It only cost $40 and I was seen in 10 minutes, had antibiotics and was out the door within 40 minutes of signing in.
Sprained wrist two weeks ago- Urgent Care.
There have been a couple of other ailments that I went to Urgent Care for, like the aftereffects of wisdom teeth extraction. I really feel I need a real doctor, not just Urgent Care. So, I’m on a quest to find a doctor that won’t make me wait three weeks for treatment. I’ve left some messages for callbacks for appointments and am going to the Family Dollar on my lunch break to get some highly recommended acid blocker medicine. If I do not have a doctor appointment by Thursday, I’m going to do Urgent Care. Again. Or sooner, if I don’t stop googling “peptic ulcers + mortality.”
What can I say? One of my fears is dying alone in my apartment and my cat eating my body to stay alive.
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