Emergency Wash Station

My new position has placed me in an office in a bio science building. While my office is in the lecture room area, sometimes it is necessary to meander over to the department chairs office which is housed in the lab part of the building. On Monday, I was walking through the maze of underground tunnels and came across the research lab areas. I was slightly taken aback when I saw the emergency eye and body wash stations. In the middle of the halls between the labs, there are these contraptions that hang from the ceiling and by pulling a little metal bar, a flood of water will begin flowing over the contaminated person, erasing whatever threatening substance is on them.

It made me shudder to think of ever being in a situation where I would come in contact with threatening materials and an emergency wash station would be necessary. I walked on through the maze of hallways to my destination and every so often would encounter another emergency wash station.

Several days later, it hits me: everyday, people come into contact with contaminants that are threatening. In social work, one has to work with people and be privy to details and situations that will leave dark spots. There is no emergency wash station to cleanse the contaminants away. It’s not limited to social work, but the human experience. In life things happen and the first reaction is to wash away all the bad stuff; to get the irritants off as quickly as possible.

When things ended with K, that’s what I did. I just put it behind me and moved forward. Keep it moving was my motto. I thought I was doing well. I was doing well.

But it never failed. After several days, a couple of weeks, K would contact me. And at first, I ignored him, but then it got harder. I wanted to know why he had cheated and why he had hurt me so much. Then I would ignore him again and a pattern started where I would ignore and then he would contact and I would get emotional and spiral out of control and feel the hurt all over again.

I started dating again. I have learned that I need to take time for myself and get over the feelings K has left me with. I reached a point in a relationship that we spent Thanksgiving together with my family. Don’t be surprised when I told you it didn’t end well. There is baggage left over from my relationship with K and I am wise enough to own it before depositing it on someone else. At another time in my life, I think the relationship with this person would have grown and continued- he’s a good guy- educated, well-read, funny, kind, and handsome. But now in my life, it’s too soon. After this person and I agreed to just be friends, literally a few hours later, K began contacting me again.

It’s too hard. When he contacts me, it brings up all of these emotions and I feel myself choking. My sadness has been replaced with anger and I refuse to let the bitterness creep into my life. He can’t just walk in and out of my life and expect me to be okay with it. It shows what an inconsiderate person he is, and truth be told, he was the entire duration of our relationship. I should have listened to my mom when she told me after meeting K for the first time that he wasn’t “the one” for me.

Right now, more than anything, I wish there was an emergency wash station that would cleanse the residue of K from me.